Us, Weakly

Jan 3, 2015
Originally published on January 3, 2015 10:57 am
Copyright 2015 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Transcript

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: This just in, in 2014 famous people did stupid things.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Here’s our celebrity coverage from 2014. Including one story in which an actual board certified celebrity, Miss Rosie Perez, joins in to comment.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED BROADCAST)

KURTIS: Not real. My little ass is a lot cuter than that.

SAGAL: That...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Was singer Ariana Grande responding to what big or little story about computer hacking this week?

KATE FITZSIMONS: The leak of a large number of pornographic pictures that had been hacked.

SAGAL: Go on.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, no, you're right, of course. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: These are the hacked nude photos. We could have lead the show this week with news from Ukraine or Syria, but those people are not naked.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Somebody hacked into the accounts of Ms. Grande, Jennifer Lawrence and several other well-known female celebrities, and stole their private nude photos. The pictures were stolen from the iCloud web storage service, which many new services including the BBC and Britain's "Daily Mail" had to explain to their audiences - not an actual cloud.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Apparently...

ADAM FELBER: Yeah, actual clouds have even worse security.

SAGAL: It's true. But really, I mean, how - people were making this mistake. Apparently British people were standing outside under storm clouds waiting for it to start raining boobs.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The big thing we learned in this whole incident was not that celebrity accounts can be hacked so easily, but that apparently everybody takes naked pictures of themselves.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I didn't know this.

FAITH SALIE: I didn't either.

MIKE BIRBIGLIA: I did.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: I mean, you know, I would have to have a touch of dysentery for a week followed by self-tanner before I would take a nude picture of myself.

BIRBIGLIA: Oh, I love those dysentery shots you took.

SAGAL: Oh, they're awesome.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: I mean, have you ever taken a nude photo of yourself guys?

BIRBIGLIA: Maybe.

(LAUGHTER)

BIRBIGLIA: No. I've always had that confusion whenever people video themselves having sex 'cause after I have sex, all I can think is at least no one saw that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's the smallest comfort.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED BROADCAST)

SAGAL: Rosie, this week an American hero named Andrew Chifari set a new world record when he paid $54.75 cents for a single item where?

ROSIE PEREZ: Oh, my God. I know this, but my mind is blank.

SAGAL: Well, maybe you need something to wake you up, Rosie.

PEREZ: Oh, was it the Starbucks coffee? Yes.

SAGAL: It was the Starbucks coffee.

(APPLAUSE)

AMY DICKINSON: Rosie. Wait - will you do me a favor and just say Starbucks coffee one more time?

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: That is a thing of beauty.

SAGAL: Until this week, the most expensive drink ever ordered at Starbucks was the latte you had this morning. But this week, Mr. Chifari ordered something he invented and dubbed the Sexagintuple Vanilla Bean Mocha Frappacino. It costs $54.75, breaking the previous record for most extensive Starbucks drink by a few bucks. Andrew is part of this subculture that likes to fill up their Starbucks loyalty cards, gets you a free drink of your choice. And then they come up with the most expensive drink they can think of, right. It's a small, meaningless blow against a global company that probably could have any of us killed anytime they want.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Now I think I read that that - that drink had how many shots of espresso in it?

SAGAL: I believe 30.

DICKINSON: Oh, geez. So do we know what he does for a living?

SAGAL: I believe he now stays awake for a living.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He spasms. He works as an agitator in a laundry machine.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, “COFFEE BREAK”)

UNIDENTIFIED MAN: (Singing) If I can’t take my coffee break, my coffee break, my coffee break. If I can’t take my coffee break something within me dies.

UNIDENTIFIED GROUP: (Singing) Lies down and something within me dies.

UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN: If I can’t make three daily trips where shining shrine benignly drips and taste cardboard… Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.