Limericks

Feb 7, 2015
Originally published on February 7, 2015 10:38 am
Copyright 2015 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lighting Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, just call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. You can also find out there about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in New Orleans on March 12. It's not like there a hundred places playing amazing music that night in New Orleans. Seeing a bunch of nerds make dumb jokes really is your only entertainment option. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

MARDEEN GORDON: Hi, Peter..

SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

GORDON: This is Mardeen in the middle of the Redwood forest in Ben Lomond, Calif.

SAGAL: Ben Lomond. Is that in like - where is that near? I feel like I've been there.

GORDON: It's about 10 miles north of Santa Cruz.

SAGAL: Oh, yes.

GORDON: About 90 miles south of San Francisco.

SAGAL: It is utterly lovely there.

GORDON: Yes it is.

SAGAL: What do you do, then, in the Redwood forest?

GORDON: I'm an artist, a writer, musician and a sign maker.

SAGAL: Wow.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Nice.

SAGAL: Did they, like, pass a law in Calif. that no one has to have a real job?

(LAUGHER)

SAGAL: Because I think that's awesome. You, Mardeen, are going to play the listener limerick challenge. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase, of course, missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, you'll win our prize - Carl's voice on your voicemail. Are you ready to go?

GORDON: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: We're a cable and media bomb blast. We don't care if you're late 'cause your mom passed. With harsh names we filled our customers' bills. Be warned and don't argue with...

GORDON: Comcast.

SAGAL: Comcast.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Comcast improved its sterling reputation for customer service. They sent customer Ricardo Brown a bill, and he complained because it was addressed not to Ricardo Brown, but a-hole Brown. They spelled it out. He wasn't the only satisfied customer. This week, they also sent out bills to, quote, "Whore Julia," dummy and then super b-word Bauer. Ms. Bauer has demanded that in the future, Comcast use her real name, Whore Bauer.

(LAUGHTER)

MAZ JOBRANI: Who types that envelope and doesn't go, eh, let's just double check. Who would name their kid whore?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: My teddy bear's built for rough play. He's got handcuffs to lock me away. Then he'll tie me down, for fuzzy and brown is my 51st shade of...

GORDON: Grey.

SAGAL: Oh, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Right you are. Grey it is.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The movie adaptation of "50 Shades Of Grey" comes out next weekend. And you can celebrate by buying a special edition "50 Shades Of Grey" teddy bear from the Vermont Teddy Bear company for just $89.99.

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

SAGAL: He comes wearing a suit and holding a blindfold and a tiny pair of handcuffs.

POUNDSTONE: Boy.

SAGAL: It's easy for bears to get out of. They don't have any hands.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And if you pull a string on the back, you can hear the teddy bear's safe word, Christopher Robin.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: That's a horrible idea.

SAGAL: Target - Target is now selling "50 Shades Of Grey" S&M accessories. You can get a blindfold, little, you know, stuff like that.

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

SAGAL: Yes.

POUNDSTONE: I go there for cleaning products.

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: My workouts I'm frequently shunning. So I find this new study quite stunning. When I get out of breath, I inch closer to death. It is true, can do too much...

GORDON: Running.

SAGAL: Yes, running. Very good.

KURTIS: Running it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A new study...

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: I love that study.

KURTIS: Mardeen.

SAGAL: ...From the journal "American College of Cardiology," has found jogging more than four hours a week is just as bad for you as not exercising at all.

POUNDSTONE: This is - I read this on the news, and it was the happiest day of my entire life.

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Four hours a week. Who's running four hours a week?

POUNDSTONE: Peter runs, right?

>>SAGAL I do.

POUNDSTONE: I thought of you when I read this study.

SAGAL: I often run four hours a week.

POUNDSTONE: I thought the poor little fella's just working himself to death.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Mardeen do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Mardeen was just perfect. She's a champ.

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations, Mardeen.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

GORDON: Thank you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.